It was in the year 2006, after receiving our posting results for O levels, I was delighted to know that one of my good friends in secondary school would be going to the same Junior College (JC) as me and the best part was - the same class too.
First year in JC went smoothly, however there is no such thing as a bed of roses in life. My good friend (Girl A) and I started to drift apart due to many known and unknown reasons. Adding to that tension, a senior of mine in the Concert Band retained to retake her A levels, and she was placed in our class. My classmates were not exactly welcoming since my class was pretty bonded after J1. However, because she was my band senior, I grew closer to her, and subsequently, the class segregated into me and her versus the rest of the class. In addition, Girl A is the type of “princess”, so people will try not to be in her “bad book”.
I sensed that Girl A and I were drifting apart when she avoided me by purposely shifting away from my seat during lecture after I placed my bag next to hers. We were from a clique in secondary school and when we went out with as a clique, she would ignore me when I talk to her and not make eye contact with me if she does talk to me. I learn from my other clique mates that she has a problem with me, but wasn’t sure why.
After we graduated from JC, we started communicating with each other again. I cannot really remember how we started talking again but I’m the type who forgives and forgets easily so I just put the whole incident behind us and became good friends again. After we started communicating, I found out that the conflict kind of started due to this Girl B who sowed discord between us, for God-knows-what reason. xD
Now for the question:
What would you have done to bridge the distance between the retainee and the class which was already bonded, while trying to salvage the friendship between Girl A and you?
Given this kind of situation, i'll try to bring the retainee closer to the rest of the class by inviting him to sit with the class during lectures, recess etc. Besides that, i will also ask her along whenever the class has an outing or event going on.
ReplyDeletei think the root of this whole problem is Girl B. if she had not sowed any discord between you and Girl A, Girl A would not have drifted from you before your band senior came into the picture. i think once you noticed that Girl A is drifting away from you, you should approach her and have a heart to heart talk to resolve any misunderstanding she had for you.
ReplyDeleteonce my suggestion is done, you can bridge the distance between the retainee and the class which already bonded by the suggestions that johnny gave.
First of all, that "princess" attitude has got to go! Haha.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I feel that there should be an attempt on the Retainee's part to make a friend besides you. She might not have been wanting to approach anyone else for friendship - maybe due to an introverted character?
You could also use certain class functions to your aid. Maybe volunteer the retainee friend for a key position in organising the class function, and by doing so, the gap between her and others could be bridged. At the same time, there might be hidden talents that could emerge and impress the others.
If I were you, that shifting away scene in the lecture that happened wouldve been a perfect platform for me to question her directly, about what happened to the friendship. Of course, the approach would have to be direct, yet forgiving, because a "what the hell is your problem" approach would just fan the flames.
On a side note, there is a reason behind every thing. Things are better now, that's what matters :)